He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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