AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
