Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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