This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
