im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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