my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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