there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
