he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
