I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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