You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
