I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
