just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
