Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
