He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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