true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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