I wanna passion pit in your ass
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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