oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
