i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
