I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
