we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
