Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
