You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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