just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
