i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
