There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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