I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
