I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They have beer where we have blood.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
