his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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