is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
