Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
