my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
