Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
