I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
