God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Houston, we have a blender
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
