i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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