I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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