Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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