but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
