i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
