I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
