Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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