i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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