then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
