I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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