My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
