i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
