my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
