I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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