It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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