I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
