you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
