There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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