Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When are your genitals available?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
