I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
