i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
