The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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