Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
